Woman continues to hide her ex’s double life

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DEAR ABBY: I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, but I’m still struggling to get over it. I found out that he was responding to sex messages from men and sending them pictures of himself, including parts of his body. I think this is the greatest betrayal a woman can experience, and hiding the truth from our mutual friends has been difficult.

When people ask me what caused the breakup, I have to deny the truth and tell them that we just broke up. Now I wonder if he ever loved me or if he was just using me because I was the breadwinner while he was at home. I keep wondering if all those times he pretended to be at the gym, was he really there? Help me please. – DIGNITY BROKEN IN CALIFORNIA

Jeanne Phillips

DEAR BROKEN: That your boyfriend wasn’t being honest that he was bisexual and unfaithful was, indeed, a betrayal. I also agree that all those times he pretended to be “at the gym” he was probably WITH “Jim”. That you supported him financially as he got involved with others – regardless of gender – was another betrayal.

You should be on your knees to thank your Higher Power for learning what was going on before wasting more time (or money) with it. Stop covering it up by lying to your friends about what happened. You are not the first woman to fall in love with a cheater and you will not be the last.

PS If you haven’t yet contacted your doctor for an STD test, now is the time.

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DEAR ABBY: A close friend of mine was not feeling well. After seeing her doctor for a full day of testing, she met me and I listened to her concerns. Before I could stop, I blurted out, “My God, I hope you don’t have cancer! She became very upset with my comment and made me feel guilty for even mentioning it. While I meant to say that my remark was more caring than harsh, it backfired on him.

With cancer so prevalent in society today, when is it okay to talk about it? Is this something we tiptoe around and only discuss after a full diagnosis? I regret my words and need to know how I can become a more caring and supportive friend. – OUPS, FLORIDA

DEAR “OUPS”: Cancer, like other diseases that can be fatal, should be discussed when and if the person has the diagnosis, discloses it, AND FEELS A NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 46 years. The only disagreement we’ve had during this time is my hairstyle. Growing up, I had curly (frizzy) hair, which I was intimidated and teased about. I feel safe and secure when I straighten it up. He loves curly hair.

I feel insecure and sad when I try to make him happy. Because I feel so much better with straight hair, I don’t think I can honor her wishes. To some people it may seem trivial, but it is a major problem in our home. I would appreciate your advice. – “HAIR-DON’T” IN THE WEST

DEAR “HAIR-DON’T”: My advice is, to yourself to be true. If you are feeling depressed and insecure with curly hair, you shouldn’t feel pressured into wearing it this way. It’s your head and your feelings, and your husband will have to adjust and accept it.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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